No one gets through life without having their heart broken at some point. Ok well maybe Psychopaths, but for the rest of us whether it’s the cute girl in fourth grade or our husband of twenty years, we all go through the agony at some point.
However, while heartbreak happens to us all… how long we stay stuck is down to us.
There’s people that dust themselves off, pick themselves back up and go on to love as if they’ve never been hurt.
Then there are others that won’t ever let someone close again because thirty years ago Tommy rode roughshod all over her heart.
I can’t stop people from breaking your heart, shit happens!
But I can show you how to heal from it. Here are the five big barriers that stop people from healing.
Staying In Contact
Whether it’s trying to stay friends, texting whether drunk or sober, hooking up or cyberstalking him. Staying in contact over and above anything that is strictly necessary is always a mistake.
And don’t use strictly necessary as a loophole.
If there is something there… if she really does want you back then that feeling will still be there in months. Trust in the universe, there is a greater wisdom and if it is to be it will happen again.
Other than that. Contact is just prolonging your suffering. Your ex is your past. Your happiness is in your future.
Choose to be happy 😊
Needing To Know
What? How? Why? What if?
There’s a ton of questions swirling around in your head at this time. You feel you need to know to move on. You tell yourself you need the answers to get closure.
The truth is that in life there are many mysteries that we’ll never understand. Just think about it for a moment.
If you were breaking up with someone that you knew it would never work out with, but you still cared for and had shared lots of great times with… how honest would you be?
Would you want to kick them when they are down or would you want to sugarcoat it?
If you were angry with them would you try to hurt them?
Whatever the circumstances, making sense of it isn’t what you need to move on. You need to focus on the future because that’s where your happiness lays. The longer you are looking back, the longer you are delaying your healing.
The sun was blue and money fell from the sky. What if there was no war or no disease?
All of these things would make life idyllic! But the chances are, the intelligence behind the universe that created everything in such minute detail didn’t just overlook these possibilities.
In the same way, your ex isn’t going to change, The dynamic behind you isn’t going to change. And if it does then there will be plenty of opportunities to sort things out in the future.
And if you did get back together with your ex, nothing would serve the relationship better for one, or preferably both of you, to have grown. Because the quality of a relationship is determined by how evolved both sides are. So you growing to not need the relationship is actually the best chance you have of regaining it.
Likewise, the most attractive you’ll ever be in a relationship is when you need the other person least. So leaving it all behind, whether you understand all of the details, some or are completely bewildered. It doesn’t matter, Later when there is some distance you may be able to solve some of the pieces.
But your happiness requires you to travel to it. Not to stay where your misery is.
How Could He?
How could he do that? How can she move on so quickly? It’s not fair that he’s out enjoying himself while I’m here crying.
A sense of justice and fairness pervades everything we do, but the fact is life isn’t fair. It doesn’t really matter what your ex is doing or how they are feeling because they are in your past.
It really boils down to the stark choice… do you want justice/revenge or do you want to be happy?
Only when and if you choose happiness will you move on. Anything else is a trap to keep you stuck.
If my ex didn’t want me why would anyone else?
I’ll never find anyone else as good who will want me. I’m useless at relationships. I’m going to end up a destitute, crazy old cat lady.
Fear is natural. Yet the reality is that very few relationships last. Most of us will go through several relationships before, and if, we find THE ONE, if there is such a thing.
This relationship broke because it wasn’t right between the two of you at this moment in time. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, just the dynamics between you and your ex.
Besides which how equipped you are to create a fulfilling relationship is not set. You can always improve your personal emotional foundations and your resilience so that you grow your relationship skills.