the brutal truth about relationships

No Couple Ever Thinks It Will Happen To Them

Almost every wedding involves two starry eyed Lovers convinced that how they feel about each other is different from anyone else and that they are destined to last.

Unfortunately, at least half of these couples will be wrong.

The result is a lot of pain and emotional suffering.  For the two individuals, their children, extended family, friends and anyone else involved.  

All of them will go through some pain.  Some to the point of being unable to function for weeks or months.

They will eventually pick themselves up and go back out and date again, but some will have defences too high to open up again.  Some will be too scared to fully trust another again. And some will swear off all relationships.

But Will They Learn From Their Scars?

The statistics show that despite the idea that people will learn from their mistakes, actually marriage is less successful second time around.

You see, while the often quoted figure for marital breakdown is around 50%, that disguises the deeper story.  40% of first time marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end in divorce and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

So clearly we’re not learning our lesson.  

Let’s be really honest about this.  There’s so much political correctness and fear about upsetting people that we’ve lost the art of just telling stuff as it is.

When You Change, Your Relationships Change

 

The truth is that your relationships are a reflection of you.  More specifically your emotional maturity, your authenticity and your relationship skills.  

We don’t like to tell people this when their relationships suck.  And I can understand it. How do you tell an abused spouse that it’s their own fault?

Of course, no one deserves abuse.  And that statement doesn’t mean you deserved the abuse.  It isn’t that you must be a bad person because you have or had a bad relationship.

Some of the best people have horrible relationships.

Not because the relationships reflect them, but because there is something wrong in their expectations from a relationship.  Maybe they’re accepting less because they are trying too hard to make the relationship work.  They may have glitches in their Operating System or they may not have formed a very clear idea of what they want from a Partner or standing up for what they want.

What matters isn’t what our relationships have been like up to now, but what they are like from hereon.

Here is the truth.

Everyone walking this earth is missing some of the pieces to complete their personal jigsaw.  

It might be that they lack a lover. It might be that they can’t find a way to do the career that they really want.  It might be that they lack the peace of mind they crave. We all have something missing from our life or some shit we want to get rid of as soon as we can.

So we think we need a lover to complete us.  Or a different one. A new job. Our own business. Enough money.

The truth we’re  avoiding is that it’s not the thing in the outside world that’s out of reach…

It’s an inner conflict that we have to resolve.

We have to change something inside us.  The way we see things. The things we don’t want to face up to about ourselves.  The fears that we have always avoided facing. This is what is between us and all that we wish for.

You just have to be willing to empty all your baggage out into the open and work your way through it.  Step by step.

You could do what many people do which is blame their partners, blame fate or whatever.  But that means leaving your future relationships to chance.

Until you look at everything in life as if it was down to you, you’ll always be a victim.  And a victim has to take what they’re given.

This is like people who are unhappy with their weight, but make every excuse about why things are different for them.  They’re big boned. Have hormonal issues or whatever.

If you’re fat, you’re fat.  

If you’re fat and make excuses for yourself and try not to feel too bad about it.  You’ll stay fat because you don’t feel bad enough to stop eating the doughnuts. Yet the nagging voice in your head will tell you you’re fat.  You’ll push it aside, but deep down you’ll know. And you’ll never feel great about yourself.

Whereas, if you just admit you’re fat and fight the struggle to eat those Krispy Kremes, you’ll get there sooner or later and the voice will go.

The truth is always the truth.

Hiding from the truth might make you feel better for a while, but it’s what keeps you trapped.  Trapped in a miserable relationship. Facing the same cycles year after year.

Whatever the situation you’re facing you can overcome it.  Everyone can have a happy and healthy relationship.

That doesn’t mean you can guarantee a particular relationship can be happy and healthy.  Because relationships are about two people and you aren’t in control of the other person.  So that might not turn out as you want depending on what they want and how relationship ready they are.  

By relationship ready I mean that, sometimes people really do want to be in a relationship with you.  However, for whatever reason, their level of emotional maturity, their human operating system and willingness to face their fears and work on their ability to relate means that they’re never going to be a partner you could have a happy and healthy relationship with.

So you could stay with them and never get what you want.  Or you could leave and find happy ever after with someone else.

Which is why I say, as long as you’re willing to do the work to make yourself as relationship ready as possible, you can achieve relationship success and happiness.  But you still can’t determine who with. Because that aspect isn’t fully in your control.

There's Never a Shortage of potential partners

You’re in a world with 7 billion people.  40% of those adults are not living with someone.  Probably another 10% are in a relationship with someone.  That leaves a lot of available people. Plus millions more are becoming single every year.

So if you’re relationship ready and proactive, there’s no reason you can’t find the right person for you.

So the first aspect to understand is that finding love and happiness is a journey.  It’s actually the journey of life. And like happiness, love tends not to be found when we seek it, but it finds us when we get on with living our own life.

So here’s the critical question…

Are you feeling ready for more in your relationships and are you willing to take the Lover’s Journey knowing it’s not a quick and easy fix?

If so read on to find out what people really want from relationships and why the fear of rejection in dating and relationships is mistaken.