The truest quote I’ve ever heard is;
“No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved.”
Each of us desperately wants to be seen as special. We want people to understand what we are saying and be impressed by the logic and power of what we say. Most of the time we are less interested in what others say than in what they think, about what we say.
The real currency of life, the source of life is…
Plants, animals and people all become their best when given loving attention.
From the cradle to the grave we crave attention. A young child that isn’t given attention will get up to mischief, because the attention in being told off…
is better than no attention.
One of the reasons romance is so exciting is the idea of someone seeing you as special and single-mindedly focusing their attention on you.
And so the idea of fame seems appealing. Imagine people hanging on your every word… hanging up your poster on their bedroom wall… turning out and waiting hours, just for a glimpse of you.
Imagine the confidence and self-belief you would have. And so people believe that with fame, or even just recognition and respect, they would be the best they could be. This confidence would give them the self-belief and the access to go and do what they really want to do.
But the reality is that fame is just a mirage. The person stops being seen as a person and becomes a screen for others to project their own views. Just as beautiful women sometimes curse their beauty for blinding people to their personality or intellect, the object of fame finds they become dehumanised. A certain aspect of them overshadows the rest and they cease to become a whole person.
You see their fans don’t really care about the person behind the image. They care about the meaning that the image has…
So there is this false image created by their individual Operating Systems that they are then projecting onto the star.
The real problem with fame, is this. We want fame for the positive attention.
Yet fame is, in Confucius’s words…
In other words, those that become famous, are those that, are in the middle of a tug of war.
They symbolise something that some love and others hate. Loving or hating both draws attention. And it is attention that creates fame.
For example, the biggest football club in England, Manchester United are the best supported and yet also the most hated club in Britain.
And I’ll bet if you find the most popular Movie, Book, Actor or Pop Star…
you’ll also find they are the most criticised.
It doesn’t matter what you do, you can never get everyone to like you. Some will love you and others hate you for exactly the same reason.
So the desire for fame to bolster confidence is misguided. Fame will win you plaudits, but also makes you a target for criticism.
If you look at tabloid newspapers you’ll see many examples of how fame generates criticism.
Every day there are pictures of an imperfection in some of the most beautiful women in the world. Photographers chase these women for a picture of cellulite… a wrinkle or whatever.
Whenever someone seems to be too good… people naturally look for the chink in their armour.
You are never going to be universally and unconditionally loved. So fame and attention will never satisfy you. The secret is to create your own limitless source.
One of the 32 Building Blocks in my book is called is called Being Your Own Source. This is such a powerful concept that without fully understanding it… you’ll never reach close to your potential in life… nor will you ever feel lasting peace of mind. Because how you feel, will always depend on what others do or think of you.