What Do You Want?

Every journey needs two things.  A starting place and somewhere to go to.

Our first step then is to get clarity on what it is exactly that you want.   We’ll start broad by thinking about all the things you’d like to try or achieve by making a bucket list.  Then we’ll hone it done to the key important things that you can measure.

So we’ll start with a list of dreams.  No limits and they don’t have to be realistic.  This is just an exercise to loosen up your imagination and get in touch with all the things you want to experience, have and achieve during your life.  

My Wishlist

This might be qualities you want, or qualities you’d like the person you’re with to have, such as strong, honest and respected.

Or it might be experiences that you want, such as bungee jumping, parachuting out of a plane etc.  

It could be places you want to see or achievements such as winning a competition, starting a business or getting a certain job.  

It could be personal as in getting married and having children, artistic as in learning to play an instrument or financial as in having a certain income level.

Ten Years On

Now let’s play a game of let’s imagine.  

What we’re going to do is imagine that you’re 10 years into the future.  Before reaching this milestone you want to review your life and consider where you are, celebrate the achievements you’ve accomplished and recall the journey you’ve taken to get here.

The purpose of this is to give you an extra perspective from the other side.  You see, we often make choices based on how we feel now, yet often those choices lead us away from what we want over the longer term.

Many times we  rush into making choices as a reaction to something that has happened.  Either we go along with what we are influenced towards or we rebel against it.   

That would be fine if those choices will make your life better, but sometimes those choices are against their best long term interests.

That doesn’t help you!  

The best decisions are those that are right for you over the longer term, regardless of whether other people agree with them or not.

So you need to think about how you would like to be…

  • As a person
  • In a career
  • In a relationship
  • At home

What would a day in your ideal life be like?

Not a one off perfect day, but an average working day in your perfect life.

  • What time would you get up at?  
  • How would you be woken?  By an alarm clock or the sun streaming into your bedroom?  
  • Will you have breakfast with your family or dash straight out?
  • What will you work at?  
  • Will you work at home or where?  
  • What will your work environment look like, office or outside?  
  • What kind of hours will you do?  
  • What will your relationships with your Colleagues be like?  
  • Will your work challenge your intellect, spark your creativity, use your physical skills or allow you to care for others? 
  • What about it will make you go home feeling you’ve made a difference?
  • When you come home, what will you do? 
  • Will you socialise with friends or come home to a family dinner?  
  • Will you have hobbies/ activities that you enjoy doing?  
  • Will you belong to any organisations or groups that you believe in?

My average day will…

Create A Vision Board

Some people like to create a vision board of what they want to create in their life.

If this works for you, find images that speak to you and excite you then do that. Find pictures of all the things you want to experience and have in your future and make a collage or slideshow to inspire you.

round Up

These questions and your answers to them will inevitably change as you find new things that you like and find others that you dislike, but the point is more to generally raise awareness than a definitive answer.

However to make a journey we need to have a destination to head for.  So what we are looking for is the answer to the following questions.  The more clarity you have for these answers, the more straightforward your journey will be.

The big three questions you need to answer are;

  1. What would the perfect relationship for you look like?
  2. What are the milestones along the way that will show you are on the way to achieving it?
  3. What’s the real barrier to you having that now?

You have to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve.  So many people are frustrated and unhappy because they are running around on a hamster wheel trying to get enough money to buy the house they think they need to feel secure when they could get the feeling they want another way.

Lots of people chase an idea of a relationship without having the clarity to know what it is they really want.  And so they put extra steps in front of the thing they want and so keep it away from them.  

The real barrier to a relationship is rarely the thing that people complain about.  We like to complain about a lack of suitable partners, the inadequacies of dating sites or our partner and yet deep down, we know the thing that will make the biggest difference is a shift we’re reluctant to make.

how can i help?

Relationships Made Simple Club – A community working together to make better relationships step by step.

A Day of Truth – Mediation for couples at deadlock.

Whole Again – A 30 day process to heal after a breakup.

Personal Coaching – 1-1 coaching to help build a better relationship

Relationship Roadmap – A personalised route to a happy relationship

Here are some of the solutions I have created for other people’s needs. Perhaps these meet your needs, but I prefer to start with a conversation.  

Because it doesn’t matter what I’m offering… what matters is what you need

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